Getting your guests' replies: deadline and reminders

Set the reply deadline six to eight weeks before the wedding, which is two to three weeks before the date by which your caterer expects the final number. Send a first reminder a week before the deadline, then follow up individually afterwards.

What deadline to give

Start from the date your caterer wants the final number, often ten to fifteen days before the wedding, and go back two to three weeks. That is the time you need to chase latecomers and settle the uncertain cases.

Write a specific date on the invitation, not “as soon as possible”. A date gets respected; a vague phrase gets forgotten.

What to ask, and nothing more

• Who is coming: each person in the household, by first name, children included.
• At which moments: ceremony, drinks reception, meal, brunch the next day if you are organising one.
• Dietary requirements and allergies, person by person.
• The choice of dish, only if your caterer asks for it.
• Accommodation or the shuttle, if you are organising them.

Every extra question lowers the number of complete replies. What doesn't change your organisation doesn't belong in the form.

Reminding without offending

A group reminder a week before the deadline is enough for half the latecomers. After the deadline, write or phone person by person: a short message, with the date by which you must give the number to the caterer, almost always gets a reply the same day.

With no news after two reminders, count the person as absent and let them know: it is easier to fix than a cover paid for nothing.

Online reply or paper reply slip

The reply slip to send back appeals to the generations who are used to it, but it gets lost and is hard to read. The online reply arrives straight away, can be corrected by the guest themselves and counts itself. Nothing stops you from offering both: enter the slips you receive yourself to keep a single count.