Guest list: building it and trimming it without falling out

Build your list in circles: close family, lifelong friends, then everyone else. To trim it, apply one simple rule, the same for both families, rather than deciding person by person.

Start from the number, not the names

The venue and the budget set a maximum. Write it down before opening the list. Without that figure, every name added seems reasonable, and you end up forty over.

Working in circles

• Those without whom you can't imagine the day.
• The extended family.
• Each person's close friends.
• Colleagues, neighbours, friends of the parents.

Cut by whole circle rather than within a circle: “no colleagues” is understood, “this colleague but not that one” gets noticed.

The rules that avoid arguments

• Spouses are invited; mere plus-ones are not automatically.
• Children: all, none, or close family only.
• The same number of seats for each family.
• Someone you have not seen for several years.

The drinks reception solution

Inviting an additional circle to the ceremony and the drinks reception lets you share the day with more people without making dinner heavier. Say so clearly on the invitation.

Keep a waiting list

Some guests will decline. A few names in reserve, whom you can invite early enough for it not to look like a replacement, help you reach the planned number.

The detailed figures and their sources: A wedding budget.